The wasteful saver

Listening to what others say and asking your friends what bothers them most about you might be tough; but there’s a lot you can learn. Everyone forms a judgment. They see you through their own lenses and the life experiences that shaped them. So instead of telling them: “You’re judgmental”, I simply say: ”You haven’t walked in my shoes”.

Take, for example, what some would refer to as “food wasting”. Surely you have heard some remind you that “there are starving kids in Africa…”. Well, when given the chance, I invariably order too much food. And, yes, even when I just order the regular “American size” portions, regardless of how good the food is, I almost always stop eating before the plate is empty. When I feel full, I stop and I take the rest to go.

One of my friends, who always makes a point out of licking his plate clean (not literally), told me, not long ago, that he finds my behavior wasteful. And, invariably, brought up the hungry kids all around the world. I felt quite bad for a minute and tried to consider why I never pictured that I was wasteful in my actions before hearing it from him. It’s true, by any account, getting more food then you can eat is inconsiderate, to say the least.  But here’s how experiences shape one – even when they can’t quite absorb it. I grew up under communism, at a time when half a loaf of bread had to last you a week (until you were legally allowed to buy your next ration). I had to learn to make a cube of chocolate last for months, by only tasting one small bite each day. And, while I never consciously thought about it, to this day I save food. I may seem greedy and unapologetically oblivious to the starving kids of the world. But the reality is, your own pain is always bigger than the pain of anyone else. Eating all my food won’t help those who, by misfortune of birth place or circumstances, don’t have any. But saving my leftovers for tomorrow may very likely save me.
So, yes, if I am full, I won’t finish my plate. I’ll keep that for the next day when I might not feel like cooking, or simply won’t afford to buy any more food.

I don’t believe that you can help others when you can’t even help yourself. But I do believe that saving others can sometimes help you save yourself.

Denisa Dobrin (August 5, 2016)

“Meden Agan”… Personal thoughts on history, extremes and interpretations

I think of all the experiences that formed me; the tough road to becoming myself. Growing up takes time and it takes... life; living life. Making sacrifices, studying for endless exams, one more important than the other, learning to survive, being hurt in love, getting your first job and building yourself up to become the better person your parents would be proud of calling "their child".

Each of us is a universe of tears, and dreams, and laughter and hopes. Each of us is unique, and different and a miracle of nature in all its glory.

If this was a well told blockbuster story, we’d all pull for the main character – regardless of which one of us that may be.

So I don’t get the words “they were killed”. How simplistic is that to express that a universe ended?

Fantasies like the Bible and the Koran (and any other variations differently named), written by people – like prophets and saints -  interpreted by people – be it priests, or popes, or imams, or rabbis – have become the ruling codices and means of indoctrinating misguided individuals.

So many of us are atheists nowadays; and even more of us, agnostic. Or stuck in a cruel Richard Dawkins dilemma – “world’s most famous” empirical atheist who confessed: “I can't be sure God does not exist.”

I was born a Christian. A Greek Orthodox Cristian, from a heritage of Zalmoxian faith tribes. Yep, as it turns out, there was a one God belief before all the Old Books were written. Faith, thus, runs in my veins. But not as a strict set of rules, any longer. More as an unwritten wisdom I’m only so lucky to be able to tap into. Like a spring in the desert filled with reality shows, made-up beliefs and “no limits”.  God to me is… It’s like having no hope and yet knowing that a miracle could save you.

“Meden Agan”… “Nothing in excess” – says an age old inscription scribbled on Apollo’s temple at the Delphi Oracle. Meanings reverberating through the pages of time from Buddhism to the “middle path” of the Kantian philosophy and further on. It’s been a guiding light in troubling times for me. If there’s a balance in the universe, which, well, there seems to be, than each extreme meets an extreme. Each excess counters another. And I’m not sure if excess love smothers extreme hate, but it seems neither win. For as different as they may be, these are deeply the same.

Makes you wonder: is this “middle road” really the “safe” choice? Some say you don’t really live life if you always “play it safe”. Yet you die every day, just the same; maybe only less fast. You can experience excess through the eyes of those with a death wish. And, in fact, that is very much desired. Information is a great tool for survival.

I was born in a land once called Dacia. A land of strong willed but kind legends who stood up to invaders, while also welcoming foreigners in their home and offering their best comforts and meals. Maybe that’s why America feels like “home” too.

My people took pride in giving you “the coat off their back”, as long as you didn’t become the snake that bit their hand to inject venom and take advantage of your host’s generosity.

They say history repeats itself. And that “if you don’t have any elders, you should buy some”. Our elders still sing ballads of times when Ottomans invaded our lands. You may have heard morphed versions of those stories.  Vlad the Impaler, Prince of Wallachia, might  ring a bell. It so happens that Wallachia was one of the 3 provinces that made up the ancient Dacia (today’s Romania). Vlad was born on Wallachian lands, but was captured and grew up as a prisoner, learning the cruel ways of his later enemies: the  Ottomans. Which lead him to understand that one extreme can only be "impaled" by another.

I often look at the world today… “Fighting ISIS”. History repeats itself in modern versions – wise say. 

Have we become any smarter?

In memory (of me)

I am your memory of me
I am when time stood still.
Unsummoned tempest of your sea,
In search for an uphill.

I will forever be within
the happy and the sorrow,
the sparkle of your Eden glow,
the tear when heartbreak thorn us.
I am the comfort and the pain
I am the omnipresent.

You'll think of me when you can't think,
Yet you'll forget the shallow
I'll disappear with every blink
You'll grow beyond my shadow.

May what I gave become a stem
May what I took be given
For though I WAS, today I AM
Forgive all that's forgiven.

Denisa Dobrin (June 28, 2015)

Follower or invincible

Do you know why people remember me?

Because I dare to break the mold. I stand out. I'm different. I dare to live life. There to dance as if nobody else is watching me. From the heart.

They say life is a dance. Well, there are two ways to dance it. You can get a teacher and learn the steps. Follow the rules set forth by others before you. That makes you follower. A good dancer potentially, but, really, a good follower, always stuck within limits and bound by rules; the same old rules invented by others.
Another way is to just close your eyes, take a deep breath, listen to the music and go with it. Let your heart set the rules and the steps "write" themselves.
Later on, if you really care to conform, you can even learn the "set in stone" steps. But you should always be true to yourself. Put your soul in every little step. Don't let others convince you that their way is better. The best way for you is to do what your heart tells you. It's the only way you will have no regrets. You may get it wrong, it may even look weird; but if it feels right then you've made the right choice.

It won't always be easy. And you'll often find yourself dancing alone. Some people won't get you, some will think you're too out there... Those who know what it's like to live life on your own terms will appreciate your dance; the effort, passion and the fact that you can truly take a chance.

There are two ways to live life: you can be a follower, or you can be invincible.

Denisa (Nov. 9th, 2013)

Thought of the day - Pieces of thought (updated - November 2013 version)

- I realized that even though I write and think in English relatively well now, there are still things that, if I think and write in English lose their soul; they lose their capacity to have the strength to move you. So, ironically, to write best in English, now I HAVE TO think and model the clay of the words in Romanian first.

- The spills of love have tolls that can kill us. The soul has no reason when love settles in. Sometimes our thinking overwhelms our feelings. Often it's good to think first; but what's life without love? Well, love has no reason; needs no reason. The love gives us soul. So, stop thinking so much and just LOVE.

- In a world more integrated than ever, we are more segregated than ever. (Intr-o lume din ce in ce mai combinata, suntem din ce in ce mai dezbinati).

- One doesn't make love become history. Love is what makes history.

- I'll let the brilliant people handle the details. I'm here to take things to the next level.

- "Friend" and "friendship" are terms that have lost their meaning. We ought to be talking about humanity. Not what it takes to find an honest friend, but what it takes to find humanity in each of us once again.

- A true friend is one who, from the little he has, offers you the world on a platter just to see you smile.
You are my grain of reason, my strength in weakness, my hope each time I'm lost.
Thank you for loving me more than I love myself.

- We are all people still looking for what we have already found...

- The drama of a world in which we can have everything we want is that we can't figure out anymore what it is that we actually need.

- From here on all we have is what we give each other.

- Love me for who I am, not for who I (or you) wish I could be...

- Young American immigrants: nowhere people in nobody's land.

- There's a small gap between difference and indifference. Sometimes too small...

- I'm sick of men who "care enough about me to let me go"; I long for a true man - one who cares enough about me to want to make me happy.

- being on a $50/month food budget = best way to lose weight.

- When you give a hand, you receive back a hand, or a finger, or, sometimes, a punch. But I know my hand will always be extended. And, thankfully, some remember who is attached to that hand.

- I don't ask for much; but when I can't get want I ask for, I guess it must be a lot.

- What is life ... but a delusion in which we all choose to believe?

****************************

USED (somewhere or other - by me):
- There are those times when silence speaks more meaning than could any words.
- I'm perfectly imperfect, and I'm ok with it. Here's to those who feel the same!
- Remember the past, envision the future.
- "Circumstantial" mathematics: like it or not, when 1+1=0, 1-1 often equals 2.
- You can ignore me, but my ideas still stand.
- Maybe I am an idealist; I try to see the world as I wish it could be everyday.
- Mathematically, there's only so much you can get from life. The rest is imagination, willpower and "what you make of it".
- I respect people for who and what they actually are, not for what they meant to me.
- I need another "nail"…

- Have vision! It's the only thing that will distinguish you from the crowds. And keep in mind: when you surround yourself with people that have no purpose, you tend to loose your own purpose in life.

Life is like a racetrack: so many obstacles, so many tight corners to turn and fake friends to avoid... And it may seem like a challenging joyride; but when you finally understand that this is a race to the end, you suddenly push the brakes, think for a few seconds, put it in "park", get out of the car and breath in the air - if there is any left.

- "Man, am I gonna regret this in tomorrow land" - Sleeping Beauty. (Wait wait don't tell me - the dudes who "crack" me up).

There's a famous saying: "Many called, but few are chosen". When it comes to friends, I don't pick and choose. My only choice is to try to be the best friend I can be to those whom I'm blessed to cross paths with in life.
Thank you for choosing to be such great friends to me!
Your uniqueness and diversity makes up and reflects in little parts of the person I am today. You are amazing just by being yourselves!

Thought of the day: Life is a lot easier for everyone when people chose to be friendly and helpful.

- My hair is a lot like me: it fully appreciates free will.

- (more like - dilemma of the day): Say your boss is a great gull and she buys everyone in your group tickets for a raffle; you win. Would you split the winnings with her or keep everything?

- Tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you need

So much pain can sometimes wash away with a simple hug.

- Maybe I am an idealist; I try to see the world as I wish it could be everyday.
- Mathematically, there's only so much you can get from life. The rest is imagination, willpower and "what you make of it".
- I respect people for who and what they actually are, not for what they meant to me.

 

Pieces of thought

If you don’t live life on the edge of a cliff every once in a while, how do you even know you’re alive?

This is the stuff that makes memories: The deep joy, the harsh pain, the love that you chose not to share

The tears that have not drained my heart yet… Because… how can a heart be empty when there’s so much more heartache still felt?

 *** 

- It's not money that gives one true power and wealth. True power and wealth come from meeting the right people, at the right time.
***

- Some only give their time and help to those who they've known for years and have gained their respect. I offer everyone I meet the same thing: my honest friendship. The true friendship test, is in proving that you are worthy to keep it. Time will tell.

Neighborhoods

Porter sq = the creative/insightful
Kendal sq= the ingenious
Harvard sq= the witty
Dorchester = the wicked ... cool.
Hey, everybody starts as a "student". :-)